Leaving home at 18
a path for self-acceptance and fully living one’s life
“You know that if you suddenly get appendicitis you’d need emergency surgery and it would take 2 days for your mom to arrive to Japan, right?” said my counsellor at the time
Culturally, Venezuela is a country whose society revolves around family, and staying in one’s parents house until marriage is normal. Likewise, if someone decided by chance to go abroad in order to learn a foreign language or to get a masters degree, they wouldn’t be away for longer than one or two years. One of the impacts of the country’s current crisis is that millions of Venezuelans have been forced to migrate, resulting in terrible family separations. Therefore, for those who can still choose where to go, the trend has been to go to the place closest to one’s relatives and friends. I remember the first time I noticed this was the year I was going to graduate from high school. Most of my friends, regardless of which University or what career they wanted to pursue, had already decided to migrate to the same places in the eastern United States, Panama or Spain. In my case, dismissing the family factor, I chose Japan because of the strong energy that struck me every time I contemplated the idea of going there. However, to go somewhere disregarding that factor was seen as odd and people around me was worried about this decision.
When you’ve just jumped from a cliff, the moment one is in the air, falling, while looking at the water, a wave of emotions arises — the same goes for moving to a different country. From euphoria and joy to fear and regret, these were some of the emotions that I felt during the first 6 months in Japan. To give you some context, I’m a person who lived 18 years in the same house with my parents, siblings and grandmother, someone who attended the same school for 13 years (during which, I had a 5 year relationship with the same person), and who never had any experience that required me to be away from home for more than a week, neither locally nor abroad. Therefore, it wasn’t until my parents returned to Venezuela — after they brought me all the way to Kyoto — that I found myself alone for the first time in my life. I was so determined to come to Japan, that I had completely forgotten to prepare myself for the next step once here, as well as to think how my life was going to change from that point onward. Thus, I found myself in a “now what?” void of stress and anxiety that was reflected on the 22 pounds (10 kilograms) that I rapidly gained during my first year in Ritsumeikan. On the other hand, a memory that keeps coming to my mind when I think about that year is the feeling of freedom.
I don’t remember clearly how long I was sitting on the floor of my room at the Ritsumeikan dormitory. While I watched the sunlight coming through the window with my back resting on the edge of the bed, little by little I realized the obvious: I could do anything I wanted from now on. I didn’t have to explain my actions to anyone anymore. When you’re in a place where nobody knows you, you come to realize how much one’s actions in the past were conditioned to the environment and the society one was. Especially when you’re 18 or younger. Of course, freedom comes with many responsibilities, and one might get on the wrong track. However, the experience of building one’s identity and life from scratch is definitely worthy.
Do I regret having come to Japan? Do I ever think about going back?
At the time, just like anyone else, I didn’t have the answers to whether things were going to happen the way I wanted them to. To whether I was going to be able to adapt to Japan or not. In fact, there are still some moments where I find myself thinking about how my life would have been “if”. Especially every time I travel and I‘m able to meet more than 3 friends in the same place. The warmth and happiness of these encounters makes me wonder if coming to Japan was the right decision, or if perhaps, it would have been better stick to the status quo. Probably, it would have been a bit easier and the transition to become an independent young adult might have been smoother. Yet, coming to a place far away from home and adapting to a completely new environment gave me the opportunity of a new beginning. I believe that, here in Kyoto, I was able to find and accept myself. As Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga remark:
Self-affirmation is making suggestions to oneself, such as ‘I can do it’ or ‘I am strong’, even when something is simply beyond one’s ability. It is a notion that can bring about a way of living in which one lies to one self.
With self acceptance on the other hand, if one cannot do something, one is simply accepting ‘one’s incapable self’ as is, and moving forward so that one can do whatever one can.
It wouldn’t be completely true to say that “who I am right now” was born from Japan, but it was here in Kyoto, where I was set free and had this realization. It was here where I recognized myself and what I really wanted. Many new experiences have helped me to grow up and find my way, yet I’m sure that there are still many more to come. In these pages I will be sharing some of them, hopefully they serve not only as a record for my most treasured adventures, but to encourage those who are also aim to achieve their dreams.
Lastly, I want you to remember that growing up is not a matter of age or economic independence, but a matter of building one’s own path apart from what one is supposed or expected to be. Learning through trial and error and accepting oneself to live as fully as possible will give your life meaning. Perhaps, it will give you the motivation that you will need in order to tackle a new challenge or start a new project.
Until the next post,
Elisa
